1. |
Glitter
01:47
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That's how it goes
when the first one dies
āI go, Iām going down swinging"
then the second
and then it's different
when youāre staring at a wall
bathed in black
and itās 3am
and youāre high and drunk off your ass
and the phone blinks
paving a path
for dreams of my best friend dying
after the other two already died
stay high to keep me from crying
so Iām leaving this town
where a queen is never crowned
I canāt stand to be around
no more
I stared into the abyss
but the abyss wouldnāt look up from its phone
so little here I would miss
so Iām leaving this site
where the people wait to die
thereās no glitter in their eyes no more
yeah, Iām leaving this site
before I canāt wait to die
shake the glitter from my eyes no more.
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2. |
Western Cemetery
04:40
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Iām so drunk I taste my tongue
Iām so fucked that nothingās fun
Iām so high I am Godās son
but daddy always drops me back at starting line again
effort stripped of all meaning
whatever, I'll own my sins
and make sure they are many
Graveyard smoke, it must be nine
blaze with dead to feel alive
flashes of your face on mine
Goddamn, I don't feel right
Right on by past West and Pine
Ry says āfuck it, man. Itās fine.
She missed out, you canāt deny."
I just wanna feel right
Each Jersey drive swallows me
traffic light, open wide!
To white of winter from fire of fall
and I'm found making friends with four tall walls
that beam me dreams of the sun and sea
in each night bathed black where no one sees me
So Iāll do what I do with all problems and replay a scene
from each scenario other than the one Iām living
send you an album and expect everything to be
the way it was back in high school
but reality showed teeth
Aināt no spite in your leaving, but it still felt like hearing,
"I want to care but your problems mean fuck all to me."
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3. |
Route 9 After 9
03:47
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Maine is a map I now look at
no longer the place I place my doormat
its lakes in my veins as we carried in pain
everything I own for Uhaulās claim
Then drive through my old town
thinking of how some street signs
are young kidsā gravestones
and thatās the most amusing part of life
inside this white, right neighborhood
so Iāll write another song
but what if they donāt care?
No one cares?
Is my sadness valid?
Do I even exist?
Concentration rarely landing on what matters
Iām too high for two shits to give away at will
so Iāll pick a hill to die on in some online scrum
in vain, of course, because no battleās won
against those who have no interest in the outcome
all because, āit aināt me
so I donāt care"
so some faint neighboring star
will supersede us as the bluest dot
to a far away people
our heads couldnāt make a spot for
But what if we care?
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4. |
Night, Be Kind
05:40
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Night, be kind
itās 3Ė Fahrenheit
as TV screens bleed all their light
in heated homes
with kids on their phones
while West End wind chews at our bones
Dripping red
a Mercedes Benz
the slayer slinks away again
found cloud high
on Park after nine
he walks up on Ryan and I
Fuck this shit
God, guide me to bed
though Iād take a knife for my only friend
Astral sea
will you wait for me
should I somehow find the speed to flee?
I think about that night sometimes
romanticizing my death in my mind
a turning neck, a darting eye
and Iāll be free
A right on Spring, he fades away
and my alternate future does the same
Iāll try to be something someday
then Iāll be free.
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5. |
Mt Misery
05:01
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I tamed the serpent of the Garden State Parkway one night
3am blissed out without sleep
canāt keep clean my sights
smacks of a dream from years back
speeding down 70 blacktop
when opposite trees crowd closer
until Mt Misery wraps its dark arms around me
and I think Iām dead for certain
but in the smell of burnt leaves, thereās always a person
that springs to mind for one last āhi"
and sheās hitting my phone up tonight
flipping over picking up
when the last one shit out my heart in a spit cup
try to think of anything else
but youāre the one I dream of in close-up
Black and blue grain
fog overhangs
cool of the fall breeze on your skin
whipping up hair
the caring begins
Trying shit on
making shit up
impressing you in
a daydream hookup
ācuz Iām too afraid
to do it awake
What if I try
to build you a shrine
and it never quite
feels like the first time
would you let it lose
to die in the pines?
Itās just one thing
or another
I canāt go on and on
and feel this way
I run faster
and get nowhere.
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6. |
Life In Between
02:39
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Throwing fits
not a shit to give
vision split
open bar, Iām lit
dance, donāt quit
turn it off, submit
you grab my wrist
and itās all worth it
Wake and work
sigh and sleep
where went the life in between?
Leave a light on
and Iāll find it eventually
Favorite friend
and brother's dead
the other, in Hoboken
Leave a light on
"Have you found it yet
or are you still searching?"
Drive, donāt die
Everett Turnpike kills
NC sun waits
over the hill
Wake and work
sigh and sleep
where went the life in between?
Leave a light on
and Iāll find it eventually
Favorite friend
and lover's dead
the other, oh, God knows when
Leave a light on.
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7. |
Brackett Boy
06:06
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Bombed on Brackett Street
Friday flickers in me
then fades while hammered friends head out to meet
joint between my teeth
pants around my feet
the pattern undresses for me
Honestly, I see no reason for betting
to pay for more than what I end up getting
first foot of snow on a crystal Monday morning
itās time to go inside again
Winter in Maine now
too cold to look anywhere but down
If no new eyes meet mine, I'm skipping town
How to turn some heads?
āTake it easy," God says
āOr hang yourself in Monument Square, and then
ask yourself if you feel any different
now that you have all eyes on you"
Honestly, not too bad, all things considered
not to mention, holy shit, this view!
And now Iām seen by all the West End girls
and Iām so happy I donāt need this world
And now Iām seen by all the East End girls
and Iām so happy I donāt need this world
Honestly, I see no reason for betting
to pay for more than what I always end up getting
just two more months of withdrawal-shiver winter
and I can go outside again
Where Iāll be seen by all the West End girls
and be so happy I donāt need this world
and Iāll be seen by all the East End girls
and be so happy I donāt need this world
Theyāre watching me
they're watching
they're watching me
Iām someone again.
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8. |
Kneel
03:42
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Took to wearing shoes on my knees
to please with more efficiency
oh, hold me down
pull out what you want
strip me of all agency
Yelling words at walls
reflected back to swallow deep
and let āem eat me slowly
from the inside out
ambition wonāt shut up
so I turn up the TV
and let it eat me slowly
from the inside out
A sermon seven days a week
and a crucifix affixed to his pinky
I heard him say, āthey should be shotā
but his spotty morals help him sleep
A vessel for a master plan
that no one lives to see
just bow and let it eat you
from the inside out
ambition wonāt shut up
but Iām shackled to Pine Beach
this town just eats me slowly
from the inside out
Dream of waking up important
infused with renewed purpose
If you canāt laugh at yourself
everyone else will.
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9. |
Jersey Devil
04:51
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Help
Iām awake
Iām alive but Iām fake
this is not my walk
nor my shit-talk
Iāve got wit
Iāve got charm
Iāve got torn t-shirt arms
You used to love me
but now Iām nothing
and thatās something
I canāt be
Help
Iāve had dreams
of a repeating scene
happiness calls
from behind a glass wall
hit too hard
to be hoax
felt its force stone-cold sober
one night in the kitchen
so close I could touch it
but instead I went to sleep
When Iām high
Iām fire
When Iām not
Iām fucking toilet water
spilt from some pissed-in pot
in a hot dive, Asbury Park
where the hopeless make home
after dark
Itās like no one else can see
what I see
the man, the myth
the mystery
whatever you want me to be
a hollow husk
to fuck and feed
thatās what I call love, baby!
Another day of demons
digging into me
with silent syphon fangs
that no one else can see
then I flick ash to my feet
before screaming in my sleep
I left all of my friends
back in Dirty Jersey
to drink in the corner
of Americaās party
but when all the kegs are kicked
you sleep
or you get sick
and I think that I got sick
because my mindās caught in a loop
moving muscles in my mouth
to make every sound but the truth
God, give me back the Jersey shore
our sandy Summer, high and hot
fuck it, Iāll drive all night to you
thereās no oneās telling me to stop.
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10. |
Hand Sanitizer
04:50
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Not a night Iām not hitting the bed sky high
when my home donāt feel nothing like Seaside
and the carrot is kept at a distance
just outside the furthest reach of both my hands
What was I thinking
making such choices
in the midst of confusion
and existential dread
and the pressure of moving?
Thatās what I get
for telling myself Iām losing
while I hold gold
and itās contagious
a week alone
I might not make it
you light my phone
and itās contagious
you bat an eye
I just canāt take it
Dream another scene, clean and alive
like the first time it was lived, fully revived
I wanted you then
but I said nothing
so my head made friends
with the wall again
Some lady in some office was drinking hand sanitizer
just to stomach her work day
and I feel like weād be friends
and get real drinks on weekends
I think about our fictional hangouts
and itās comforting somehow
even pain can feel good
when it has some room to spread out
Dream another scene, clean and alive
like the first time it was lived, fully revived
I wanted you then
but I said nothing
so my head made friends
with the wall again
but now my heart sings in the day
what it used to keep muffled
ātil the moon could find my face
and Iām high on the smell of your hair
and Iāve got some bad ideas swimming upstairs.
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11. |
Karla Sells Hexes
06:17
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I always think of exactly what to say
right as the momentās passed
Oh, for just once I would love the peace of mind
to use āfuck offā when itās called for
Weāre unemployed again
third time since 2010
but thisāll be different
Iāll make them all my bitch
and craft a resume
so clean and calculated
that itāll make them say
āWeād like to make you an offer
of six figures and the warm knowing
that the rest of your life
wonāt be spent worrying"
first draft sent
while Iām waiting...
Iām having a drink with my friends
but itās okay, LePage is paying
whoās every word is an offense
to the official heās portraying
and anyway, I paid my way in
so I donāt feel too bad for making numb my face
Eight applications in
twelve the week following
hoping for digging in
on what Iām offering
itās been a couple months
interest from no one
before Iām back aboard
a ride from before
where half the time
I undercut myself to get by
then blow the rest
on blowing smoke into hollow night
where no oneās God will come save me
Iām having a drink with my friends
but itās okay, Iām medicating
for getting bent over again
as petty pleas for lubrication
went commonly ignored
making space a desired vacation
a station that floats in the sky
so far away from civilization
but Iām lonely enough in the night
to miss the ones that I was hating
So back to the grid I descend
to find a planet for my making
where Karla sells hexes to fend off spirits dark
and Iām escaping into a world bereft of debt and actualization
until my phone ring gets to raking
on my nerves to have me waking
as my stomach makes a snake and
thereās no fucking way Iām shaking
any vice.
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12. |
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A flicker never meant to stay
beamed from a different place
shows you a life alive in ways
the one you know canāt relate
so you just stare and turn your head
unsure of how it had all transpired
under such a watchful eye
But when it squints in headlight sight
to find no color
the abyss is your canvas
and whatās waiting is your making, creator
Come to with sadness stuck to me
like cum on a toilet seat
so easily glued to a dream
then missing turns to need
and panic cuts on nights between
the ones we're sharing sheets
just one hit of your disease
and I spit a key
to fit the hole inside my head
to be my own God
and the knots of haunted highway
untie, making safe our way ahead.
----------------------------------------------------
Black as a night-eating dead-end
before pillowy morning light
I cannot help but to want you
every time I hit 495
I'm driving high
worldās end vision
a fire bright
I breathe you in
A dream, coming home to my baby
when all feels as dark as she likes her coffee
this world might be burning but baby
aināt no flame could dream of the heights you wake in me.
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13. |
Outside
04:23
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In Merritt traffic
adjacent to your absence
I daydream of you laughing
of hitting twice then passing
with sunbeam slashing
through AC we were blasting
too sober now to cash in
on happiness I'm stashing
inside
On 91 now
each mph I'm allowed
by law is spent yet somehow
my heart can't help but hang down
as road split to hell
sends shaking all your seashells
while far away the Saint smells
of singers with their hair gelled
inside
And every argument
you hold my hand through
I promise you
all that is
will be what was
and roses will dye my eyes because
anyone who's anyone
would want you smiling now
good god
This boy at seven
red curls to match his lip bend
could smile his way to heaven
but won't tell me where he's been
in a bedroom dim
a hit to start the searching
your love will split me open
and I'll find a way to pull him
outside.
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14. |
Over It
05:11
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Laundry clouds spit out of basements
line the late night West End walk with chasing trace scents
placing my past upon the pavement
endless straight interstate where I wonder where your face went
and now Iām someone elseās demon
as I tail twelve paces behind
but I'm inside of my mind with a beautiful girl
thatās not you this time
Thereāll be no more time to find "the one"
if youāre not over it
there waits another one
to place a ātheā in front of
when youāre over it
I couldn't see the dark behind the light
of wild eyes smoldering
but there waits another one
to place a "the" in front of
when you're over it
Beamed from a dream, not a replacement
but an entire new choir to sing me to my ascent
into the life for which I was meant
as the rock in your pocket
to help you through each day spent
as just another background actor
in someoneās else's movie
let's write the lines
you've been dying to read your whole life
then hand the camera to me
Thereāll be no more time to find "the one"
if youāre not over it
there waits another one
to place a ātheā in front of
when youāre over it
How cute of you to think you pick the path
to life less sobering
there waits another one
to place a "the" in front of
when you're over it
savor days
we lay alive in bed
but itās July
instead, letās go outside
all we ever wanted waits ahead
letās go outside again
letās go outside.
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15. |
Broke & In Love
04:09
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